I know it’s been so long and I’m really sorry about that. I think about the time I fell out of touch with this blog is about the time I fell out of touch with reality. I don’t know what’s been going on the last few weeks with me but.. end of story, shit sucks.
I moved into a new house with two new roommates, an event I am enjoying more and more as each day passes. They’re heading back to Wisconsin tomorrow though, and I’ll be here for the summer by myself. There’s a very good chance that isn’t a great idea. I suppose if I survive it’ll be somewhat of a miracle.
Right now I kind of feel like going to sleep and not waking up. I did something very bad last night, very very bad. Honestly, I did the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do and I hate myself for it today. I hate myself even more for it because I don’t feel very guilty.
I’m just sipping on Jameson and ginger ale and trying to get a handle on things. I think a few more muscle relaxers might make it easier to handle. I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain right now. This is indeed an episode and it’s a very, very bad one. I haven’t taken my medicine in several.. possibly weeks and my mental state is now paying for it.
If you know this is happening, why don’t you stop it? says my friend.
Because I don’t give a fuck. says me.
Heart palpitations + alcohol + this music + this mood. I may renew my friendship with the x-acto knife before the night is over, if only to make myself cry. I think if I could just cry I’d be alright.
I didn’t mean to spew all of that via my fingertips. Between the fact that it’s like 32 degrees in my room and I’m having a crazy out of body experience, my language skills are less than satisfactory right now. I’ll be back sooner than a month again, I promise. Maybe later tonight, or tomorrow. We’ll see. I just know I need to get back on the right fucking path and this is most definitely not it.