//Get up, what it is what it does what it is what it isn’t, looking for a better way to get up out of bed instead of getting on the Internet and checking the new hit//
Number 1) I love Macklemore. Namely Otherside, Neon Cathedral, and Starting Over. Along with just about everything else he and Ryan Lewis have put out.
Number 2) I’ve been gone for a while. Kind of a long while. Lots of shit’s gone on, but I’m sure that surprises none of my regulars. In my life there is always one thing or another going on, and even in the midst of the calm I am doggedly searching the horizon for the next disaster. So that brings me to
Number 3) I’m sorry I’ve been gone. Not only because it’s resulted in me falling out of touch with several people on here with whom I genuinely enjoy regular correspondence, but I’m sorry for me, because this is a healthy respite from the ridiculous ramblings that happen within my head. Laying out the phrases and spiderwebby ideas that continually flow from my cerebral cortex is a way for me to recognize what really matters because I find the words that float from the depths to my mind to my fingers are the ones I truly need to either get rid of/read again/say “outloud” (yes, outloud is relative here, but fellow bloggers will understand typing out words that pain you is almost as cathartic as using your larynx and producing the sounds.)
I really don’t want to regurgitate the same bullshit I do every time I get back on here.. how much I’ve been drinking, how hopeless I am, how much I miss/love my boyfriend, the things I want to change but can’t, blahblahblah.
I think I’m going to try something different ant talk about the good stuff happening lately. As I am a fan of the list form, that is how I will do it.
1) I got a job at the local daycare, and I love it. I’m in the infant & toddler room, which is a little unnerving. I haven’t spent a lot of time taking care of newborns and their little jello necks and unfocused eyes make me kinda nervous sometimes. They feel so fragile to me so I’m so careful, then I see their parents come in and just whip them around willy-nilly ha. It’s a new experience but luckily the woman who is training me is very nice and understands to have the experience, you’ve got to get the experience. She’s quick to show me how to do things and (so far) is tolerant of my repetitive questions and showing me how to swaddle the little ones (which is a lot harder than it looks!)
2) I quit my job at the paper. I’m not sure that I’ve talked about it, but I’ve been writing for the school paper for the last two semesters. It’s a LOT of work and while I enjoyed it, the stress was becoming too much. I began to wake up on Thursdays (assignment day) and Mondays (deadline day) with a feeling of dread immediately building in my stomach. It would be 8:30 am and although deadline was 5 pm, I would begin to panic and my head would spin and everything would go downhill from there. So I quit. I have to write my stories for this week and probably one next week, then I will be finished and honestly, I’m pretty excited. I confessed recently to my boyfriend I might have been holding on to the job because it gave me an outlet for more friends. I spent high school being unpopular and friendless and I’m determined to not do it again in college. His response, of course, was what I expected: being unpopular doesn’t correlate with how many friends you have.
I know, I know, I know. Those things do not correlate. Not having a thousand fake friends doesn’t mean I’m not a cool person. But still, isn’t it kind of nice to have those fake friends sometimes? You know they’re not real, but it gives you somewhere to go, somewhere to belong.. eek. Okay pause, focusing on the good.
Good number 3) I really like living with my roommate. She’s one of my best friends and it’s really, really working so far. I love her and we have so much fun together. She’s also one of my friends who has no problem with telling me to get my shit together.. or off the living room table, in the case of living together. There may be one downside, her own emotional struggle, but I’m hoping that instead of dragging each other down, we will buoy each other. I’ll keep her from snorting salt water as long and she’ll keep me from getting my hair wet, which we both know I absolutely DESPISE.
Um. Good number 4) My boyfriend tells me he loves me on a pretty regular basis now. Each time he says it, especially the times he says it first, just nudge the little glowing fire in my heart I have for him and it burns a little brighter. He means the world to me. The end.
5)… I saw Macklemore in concert. It was pretty great.
I think I might be out of happy numbers on my list. (Also I’ve been writing this post for three days now.) So I think I’m going to post this for now.. this way, you guys will know I’m alive and I’m letting you know now you will have something to look forward to again in the next few days.
Stay tuned, friends.